Valentine’s Day this year falls on a Sunday. Although the thought of spending February the 14th alone can be discouraging for some singles, it can also offer some amazing opportunities. This year especially, as we are faced with isolation, confinement, and lockdowns globally, some of us may not even be able to meet others face to face. Others might be dealing with loss and sickness, unemployment and financial difficulties, or the break of their relationship and a new beginning as a single.
We have seen the world change in 2020 and we are all adjusting to our new reality. Despite all of that, I believe that we can – and we must – celebrate life, family, and love not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year long.
Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day?
According to the legend, approximately 200 years after the execution of a priest named Valentine by Emperor Claudius II in Rome, people started celebrating February as the month of love and romance. Around the year 470, the Pope abolished the then popular pagan fertility ritual that took place every year in February. Instead of the festival, he proclaimed February 14th Saint Valentine’s Day and he established the day on the Catholic Calendar of Saints.
Why was Valentine murdered, you might ask? Well, the Emperor believed that young men had to remain single to better serve the empire and he banned marriage altogether. He also coerced young men to enrol in his army. Despite the Emperor’s ban, young people still fell in love and wanted to be legally married. So, they went to see Valentine in secret, and since he was convinced that it was his duty, he secretly performed marriages against Claudius II’s decree.
As you can imagine, the Emperor eventually discovered what Valentine was doing and he had him jailed. During his time in prison, Valentine took care of other prisoners, including one of the jailor’s daughter who was sick. According to the legend, before Claudius II ordered his execution, Valentine wrote a message to the young woman and signed: ‘‘from your Valentine.’’ He was killed on February the 14th in the year 270.
Now, what are we truly celebrating on Valentine’s Day? Love or a pagan belief about fertility? The fact a person of authority changed the name of the celebration did not stop people from associating February to fertility, sexual encounters, and romance. So, I am asking you: what are you really going to celebrate this month or on the 14th? I believe that love must be celebrated all year long and beyond February the 14th.
If not in February, then when and how?
I am not saying that couples should not celebrate their love. Not at all! I am happy for those who are in a fulfilling relationship and do enjoy the company of someone who is devoted to them. I am simply wondering why people have to wait until February and, most specifically on the 14th, to rejoice about being in love, exchange gifts, and spend a romantic evening together?
And, if you are single and you don’t have any romantic reciprocal feelings for anyone, what can you or should you do – not only in February but also – during the other months of the year, every year and throughout your life?
Three Habits to Cultivate and Love Yourself
Here are three habits that I have been developing for over 8 years now, after the man I was married to betrayed me and left for another woman. I understood that it was my responsibility to heal and be happy no matter what. I certainly did not want his decision to negatively affect the rest of my life or define my destiny. Oh, no! So, here is what I did:
- I cultivated my faith in God
- I nurtured my soul by learning to better love myself and care for myself
- I cherished my relationships with people who add value to my existence.
Cultivate your faith in God
Having faith and keeping it has been a source of strength in my life. Whenever life offers challenges or when things don’t seem to go in the direction I had hoped for, I know for sure that I can count on God to lead me. The Bible is an illimited source of comfort. In addition, attending church and volunteering in a Bible School allow me to constantly learn more about God and His master plan for humanity.
Therefore, I know that I am loved, safe, and protected. I also walk on the path that has been destined for me as I am fulfilling my calling. I have no doubt about the reason for my existence. Finally, with God, I do receive and dwell in everlasting love.
Wouldn’t you want to know that you are loved beyond understanding and that God’s presence can fill the emptiness?
God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son. — Jerry Bridges
Nurture your soul by learning to better love yourself and care for yourself
Now, I have another question for you: How loving are you to yourself? For example, would you want to date you? As strange as the question might seem, I think it is worth answering. If you don’t love yourself enough, why would you expect anyone to go above and beyond and love you?
The fantasy that many of us buy into is that there is a wonderful person out there looking for us as we are waiting or looking for them. We want to believe that once we met this ideal other, we will finally be fulfilled. This romantic notion is appealing but not real for most of us.
Stop waiting for the perfect mate to show up on your door just so that he or she can fall in love with you and make you happy. You must learn to be happy as you are and to love yourself as you are. Take care of yourself at all levels: emotional, psychological, intellectual, physical, etc. and you will be the person you would want to date. Is there something you don’t like about yourself? Change it! Is there something you don’t know about yourself? Try to find out so that you can be at peace about it or change it.
What is it that you truly enjoy doing and that makes you smile? When was the last time you did that? What are you waiting for? Go ahead and bring back fun to your life. And, remember, it is in your power to do so.
The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose. — Jo Coudert
Cherish your relationships
Finally, I have learned to cherish my relationships. I am very selective of my friends because I learned a long time ago that they reflected me. I think it is Jim Rohn, and entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, who said: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Since I like to be joyful, positive, and encouraging, I only get close to people who also enjoy life to the fullest and add value to others. I speak to many people, but I am only close to those I can trust to be faithful, honorable, pure of heart, lovely, admirable, and noble. And, I strive to cultivate these qualities as well and genuinely help others.
The close friends I am blessed to have in my life are people that I reach out just to check on them and let them know that I care. They reciprocate and let me know that I can count on them. Although we might not be able to visit during the pandemic, we have been in in touch through technology.
I understand that some singles are depressed before, during and after Valentine’s Day. And I feel for them. At the same time, I want to encourage everyone to reach out, build friendships, and stay connected. Don’t isolate yourself completely beyond the necessary physical distancing.
Use Google Meet, Zoom, or whatever technology you can to stay connected, loved, and appreciated just as you love and appreciate your friends.
Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose. — Tennessee Williams
You have a choice
All I am saying is that you have a choice. We live the life that we create through our thoughts and actions. Take a moment to check your thoughts about love and relationships and remember that you will see what you believe to be true.
My friend Anita recently reminded me about the Reticular Activating System and encouraged me to believe in something that I had doubts about. She was so right and I am so grateful for her. It’s my turn to also encourage you to do everything it takes to be at peace with God, love yourself, and nurture the relationships that matter.
This February, and throughout 2021, build your faith, love being in your own company, and enjoy close relationships with people that understand and care about you. Valentine’s Day does not have to be a day of misery or sadness. Every single day of your life can be one that you fill with hope, love, and good times (even from a distance) with people you trust and appreciate.
Dear Single, you have a choice; make it count.
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