Wisdom in Love and Relationships

Wisdom in Love and Relationships

A Precious Asset

What is the most precious asset when looking for or nurturing a loving relationship? I think it is wisdom. Now, how do we define wisdom? How do we know that we are wise? Can one ask for and receive wisdom? Let me know what you think please.

According to the dictionary, wisdom is “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. It is the quality of being wise.” When I looked for the definition in Wikipedia, this is how wisdom is defined: “wisdom, sapience, or sagacity is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight. Wisdom is associated with attributes such as unbiased judgment, compassion, experiential self-knowledge, self-transcendence and non-attachment, and virtues such as ethics and benevolence.”

Wisdom is composed of two parts: intangible (knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight) and tangible (ability to think, speak, and act a certain way). Wisdom is therefore a competency: it must be observed by others.

Wisdom in Scriptures

Although these definitions make sense, I still needed to understand wisdom within the context of the Bible. In the Hebrew Bible, the word wisdom is mentioned 222 times, compared to 218 times in the New International Version and 221 in the French Louis Segond 1910 version. Among the virtues one can aspire to possess, wisdom is one of the highest in the universal Church and among Christians. It is often associated to justice, fairness, kindness, and charity (or love). The books of Psalms and Proverbs encourage us to seek wisdom, to trust her, and even to pursue her with all we’ve got.

I have come to understand that wisdom, just as love, is a consistent behaviour, not a chance action that we demonstrate once in a while.

The Bible defines wisdom as the fear of the Lord, the respectful reverence one must have for Him (Proverbs 9:10, Job 28:28). We are also encouraged to seek wisdom with all of our heart (Proverbs 4:5) and to ask God to bless us with it when we are lacking (James 1:5).

What you Think is What you Become

So, once we understand wisdom, ask for it, and receive plenty of it, we can actually benefit from being wise. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:13-18 that we are blessed once we find wisdom. King Solomon goes further and states that through wisdom we find life and we receive favor from the Lord (Proverbs 8:32-35). However, we should desire it and pray to receive it as a precious gift. We must also seek it through the Word of God who is the source of all virtues.

Wisdom and discernment are synonyms and they are brought to life by our actions. Remember this quote from Frank Outlaw:

Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

I summarize it with “what you think, you become.”

Wisdom in Love and Relationships

When it comes to love and relationships, to be wise is to be able to discern between allusions and words made to humiliate the other. Nobody is a fool and everyone should be treated with respect. When we have a good share of wisdom, we create a safe space for the other to flourish. It is about being fair in what you say so that the other person knows that you are loving and kind toward them. To be wise is to choose fairness above justice, to honor others and not label them, and to consider circumstances and limitations.

When we are wise, we speak the truth without blaming the rest of the world. We are sensitive to the experiences of others and we do not accuse our partner but rather ask questions. We seek to understand first, and then to be understood (Stephen Covey). To be wise is to recognize when it is my soul that expresses fear, resentment, envy, or jealousy. So the other person has to take some and leave some. When I think wisely, I am able to inspire, guide, encourage, support, and lead by serving. As a wise partner or spouse, I also listen with my heart as much as I listen with my head. I ask for clarification and I ensure that I have truly listened, not just heard. Most importantly, I do not misinterpret what the other person is saying, nor do I use it against him or her.

Love is Patient and Kind

When a person is wise, she positions herself to deserve the respect she receives from her partner or spouse. She nurtures her relationship and cherishes her time with others. Moreover, she adds value to the life of her loved ones by honouring them.

Finally, to be wise is to love like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a asks me to: “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”


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